He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
