Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
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