I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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