Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
