lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
