My room smells like vodka and shame
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
