He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
