she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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