What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
