you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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