i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
