You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
