God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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