There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Acid is not a monday night drug
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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