he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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