The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
