Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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