Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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