Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
