Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
