Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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