Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
