he wants to bone in the snuggie
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
