Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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