bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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