Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
