hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
