Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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