Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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