I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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