I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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