Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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