Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
