y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
