i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
