that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
