I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
