i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Randomize
