Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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