Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
