yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Randomize
