and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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