I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
