Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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