MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
