I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
