every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
