is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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