I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
