Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize