They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
