P.S. I can't hear my feet
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
