yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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