Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
