My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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