I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
