I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
