maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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