I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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