i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
