Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Still dying that you shit outside
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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