How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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