i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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