Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
