So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
