So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
