God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave