I skipped work to stalk him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz