everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning