My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dating After Heartbreak
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen