i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
