God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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