Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
