I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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