Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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