**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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