I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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