She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
