I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
