how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
