dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We left the knife in your bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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