I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
