i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
