I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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