Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
