I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
