I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
