I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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