it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
