they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
